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Tuesday, 01 July 2008

Holy FUCK.

What happened?

Hello?

College, you're not what I thought you'd be.

Friday, 02 June 2006

Hey, tomorrow is Graduation.
That means that all things must come to an end, and so ends this chapter.

From now on, this will be used no longer.

Chapter Two

Saturday, 20 May 2006

Enough pre-graduation waste of your time entries. Jessie A. convinced me to go to Valley Fair on monday with the Calculus class, so w00t for monday!!

I downloaded this song off of a lenscrafters commercial, only it's not a real song, just made for the commercial, which bummed me out, lol.

Senior skip day was fun, I went with Tory Boyd to go to Da Vinci Code, whichc was good, but not amazing.

I've got to start cleaning the house for my party, ugh, if only you knew, it's like, Godzilla meets NYC.

Hope eveyrone has a great weekend, the countdown beings...

10 days left...(counting grad. rehersal)

Sunday, 14 May 2006

You didn't even say goodbye...

I pleaded for you to say something...

for you to care about me like I care about you.

I sat with your mother in tears, worried about your future.
I hugged your mother as you drove her to tears on Mother's Day.

I was there telling her, what she was telling me. All the things I already knew, and all of the reasons I was there.

But you said nothing. You did nothing. In silence.

I got up, inside dying for you to say wait.... for an apology... even for you to say "Fuck you then". But your silence cut deeper then the most horrible thing I could have ever imagined you to say.

It was all so surreal, and now it's all so real. And I will be up all night pretending it didn't happen. Trying to figure out what happend to you, and if it was my fault. Like your pleading mother asking you if it was her fault.

Why do you make good-byes so painful?

I want to lie to myself, pretned you're not gone, but I've already had to start moving on. Such a mixture of rage and heartbroken tears, circle my mind.

This is the last time I will make up in expression where you lack. I will not give my heart to any friend as I did to you. I'll never give up that many years of my life to a cause that will give way to the condition I have lived.

I would not trade doing it the first time though for all of the friends in the world.

My heart lies broken, as if it has been broken a thousand times, why do friends hurt more then lovers....

I would like to help you, but I cannot help you if you cannot help yourself.

I'm sorry I failed you, and I hate you with everything for breaking me.

Your sick game is over, and you won.

Goodbye.

Friday, 21 April 2006

One step closer to leaving

I'm so afraid to graduate.

I look at this town that I've grown so damned used to, and think how it's never going to be the same.
Me, Andrea, and Josh won't ever make movies at his house again, or break things. Or laugh till we cry.

And I'm going to miss that so much, no one has any idea. Josh is my only real true friend, and I'm so scared that I won't see Andrea anymore.
Doors at this time of year are Soooo hard to close. I don't want to let things go, like Crazy Susan on halloween night, in the same neighborhood that I grew up
in with Robert, and played tag. and even though half of that stuff is already gone, it's just, if, if josh doesn't come with me to Denver, it would be so hard on me.

So, I guess I'll close this door. On Scott, the summer that we all went down the ottertail and it was freezing. I'll close the door on the summer days it was just me and josh upstairs in his old house, all day in that room, play "Figure it Out" with huge mattresses leaned up against a wall. Throwing records. I'll close the door on Daley Monson, and how we used to be friends, and hang out in the summer. I'll close the door on Moorhead High School, and everything that I love about Moorhead.

I'll open the door to denver, but I won't close the other door all the way,
no, I'll leave it open just a crack, so anyone who wants to can peek in.